Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
two.
Do you ever get sick of trying to make a move to stay alive in this game of life? Going broke because you want the nice clothes or car or whatever other materialistic things you can get because other people are so shallow then you begin to lose yourself in trying too hard to fit in?
I know I do. I'm worn out. I am worn out from trying to be someone and everyone to the world. Trying to please everyone by being what I think they want me to be has been the hardest part of my life and I'm tired of it. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm not broken and I'm not an evil person. I am a human being who has made mistakes just like anyone else. I'm tired of hypocrites talking about my past. My past is my past and I'm not that person anymore. I' m sorry you can't let it go and have chosen to miss out on a good person because you assume you know me. I'm worn out from pretending like your words and assumptions don't hurt me. They do. They'd hurt anyone with a heart and feelings.
I had a moment today where I got a glimpse of 'reality'. It reminded me why I stay to myself. In a shell where nobody's words or gossiping can hurt me. Why I stay away from things and people that have hurt me in the past. It's like a little kid touching a hot stove and growing up being afraid to go anywhere near it because it caused them pain. I don't want to know what people have to say about me for a reason. One reason alone... it hurts. It holds me back from being ME. I'd rather go on living my life and do what I want and pretend the judgments aren't there. I am who I am and I made mistakes back in the day and some people can't give the new me a 2nd chance. I have few friends and the true ones accept me. Every bit of me. All sides of me. They support me! They encourage me! They love me! I'm tired of people preaching about letting go of the past, but yet, they don't do it themselves. It hurts!!! Some might say "the truth hurts".. no it doesn't. What hurts is that people assume they know someone and their opinions of people aren't what's true and THAT is when the pain sets in. Why do I have to prove anything to anyone? I don't! I shouldn't have to. People should give me a chance before going off hearsay.
Yes, I've made mistakes and some I regret, but it's time to let that go people. PLEASE! Stop holding people back from being who they are because they don't fit into what you think is 'right'!! It takes a toll and it's not a good one!
I know I do. I'm worn out. I am worn out from trying to be someone and everyone to the world. Trying to please everyone by being what I think they want me to be has been the hardest part of my life and I'm tired of it. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm not broken and I'm not an evil person. I am a human being who has made mistakes just like anyone else. I'm tired of hypocrites talking about my past. My past is my past and I'm not that person anymore. I' m sorry you can't let it go and have chosen to miss out on a good person because you assume you know me. I'm worn out from pretending like your words and assumptions don't hurt me. They do. They'd hurt anyone with a heart and feelings.
I had a moment today where I got a glimpse of 'reality'. It reminded me why I stay to myself. In a shell where nobody's words or gossiping can hurt me. Why I stay away from things and people that have hurt me in the past. It's like a little kid touching a hot stove and growing up being afraid to go anywhere near it because it caused them pain. I don't want to know what people have to say about me for a reason. One reason alone... it hurts. It holds me back from being ME. I'd rather go on living my life and do what I want and pretend the judgments aren't there. I am who I am and I made mistakes back in the day and some people can't give the new me a 2nd chance. I have few friends and the true ones accept me. Every bit of me. All sides of me. They support me! They encourage me! They love me! I'm tired of people preaching about letting go of the past, but yet, they don't do it themselves. It hurts!!! Some might say "the truth hurts".. no it doesn't. What hurts is that people assume they know someone and their opinions of people aren't what's true and THAT is when the pain sets in. Why do I have to prove anything to anyone? I don't! I shouldn't have to. People should give me a chance before going off hearsay.
Yes, I've made mistakes and some I regret, but it's time to let that go people. PLEASE! Stop holding people back from being who they are because they don't fit into what you think is 'right'!! It takes a toll and it's not a good one!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
one.
"Life and death, energy and peace, if I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes, that I have made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it for having been allowed to walk where I've walked. Which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it and above..."
Just the other day I was telling someone how I have no 'go-to' person. You know, the ones who are the first person you call/text when something happens, whether good or bad or the ones that know everything about you, know the real you. The ones that you don't have to start over with, you can just pick up where you left off. I don't have one anymore. For a moment I felt lonely and unloved because those who were my 'go-to' people have left my life, either by my choice or theirs.
Then I realized something..... God, is my 'go-to'. Just when I feel like He left me too, He makes it known that He is there and has been since before I was born. He knows my past, my future and loves all of me no matter what. I don't have to call/text him to share good news, He already knows. I don't need someone or something to make me feel loved. I am loved.
In the Bible, Hezekiah had a moment similar to mine, only, reading his story I learned that God never deserts us. He simply let's go and let's us. He has a path for us and it is ultimately up to us to walk it. Doing so with our heads held high and eyes forward.
Sure, we stumble and fall, but that's when He shows Himself. He's there, guiding us, protecting us and undeniably loving us.
If you know me, you might know my history and that it could be a best-seller book, if it were taken to print. I feel my life is a blessing that I want to share. God has put this in me to share and listen and understand. I am so blessed to have done things I've done and learned things that I have learned. I hope that my blogs can somehow help or inspire people. I believe that God put me through what He did for one reason and one reason only, to share with others and be the person I need to be and can be for whoever it is He has planned for me.
With all this being said, God bless you and you and you!
Just the other day I was telling someone how I have no 'go-to' person. You know, the ones who are the first person you call/text when something happens, whether good or bad or the ones that know everything about you, know the real you. The ones that you don't have to start over with, you can just pick up where you left off. I don't have one anymore. For a moment I felt lonely and unloved because those who were my 'go-to' people have left my life, either by my choice or theirs.
Then I realized something..... God, is my 'go-to'. Just when I feel like He left me too, He makes it known that He is there and has been since before I was born. He knows my past, my future and loves all of me no matter what. I don't have to call/text him to share good news, He already knows. I don't need someone or something to make me feel loved. I am loved.
In the Bible, Hezekiah had a moment similar to mine, only, reading his story I learned that God never deserts us. He simply let's go and let's us. He has a path for us and it is ultimately up to us to walk it. Doing so with our heads held high and eyes forward.
Sure, we stumble and fall, but that's when He shows Himself. He's there, guiding us, protecting us and undeniably loving us.
If you know me, you might know my history and that it could be a best-seller book, if it were taken to print. I feel my life is a blessing that I want to share. God has put this in me to share and listen and understand. I am so blessed to have done things I've done and learned things that I have learned. I hope that my blogs can somehow help or inspire people. I believe that God put me through what He did for one reason and one reason only, to share with others and be the person I need to be and can be for whoever it is He has planned for me.
With all this being said, God bless you and you and you!
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