two.

Do you ever get sick of trying to make a move to stay alive in this game of life? Going broke because you want the nice clothes or car or whatever other materialistic things you can get because other people are so shallow then you begin to lose yourself in trying too hard to fit in?
I know I do. I'm worn out. I am worn out from trying to be someone and everyone to the world. Trying to please everyone by being what I think they want me to be has been the hardest part of my life and I'm tired of it. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I'm not broken and I'm not an evil person. I am a human being who has made mistakes just like anyone else. I'm tired of hypocrites talking about my past. My past is my past and I'm not that person anymore. I' m sorry you can't let it go and have chosen to miss out on a good person because you assume you know me. I'm worn out from pretending like your words and assumptions don't hurt me. They do. They'd hurt anyone with a heart and feelings.
I had a moment today where I got a glimpse of 'reality'. It reminded me why I stay to myself. In a shell where nobody's words or gossiping can hurt me. Why I stay away from things and people that have hurt me in the past. It's like a little kid touching a hot stove and growing up being afraid to go anywhere near it because it caused them pain. I don't want to know what people have to say about me for a reason. One reason alone... it hurts. It holds me back from being ME. I'd rather go on living my life and do what I want and pretend the judgments aren't there. I am who I am and I made mistakes back in the day and some people can't give the new me a 2nd chance. I have few friends and the true ones accept me. Every bit of me. All sides of me. They support me! They encourage me! They love me! I'm tired of people preaching about letting go of the past, but yet, they don't do it themselves. It hurts!!! Some might say "the truth hurts".. no it doesn't. What hurts is that people assume they know someone and their opinions of people aren't what's true and THAT is when the pain sets in. Why do I have to prove anything to anyone? I don't! I shouldn't have to. People should give me a chance before going off hearsay.
Yes, I've made mistakes and some I regret, but it's time to let that go people. PLEASE! Stop holding people back from being who they are because they don't fit into what you think is 'right'!! It takes a toll and it's not a good one!